Fear

Do you ever lay in bed at night and become over run with fear? The kind that makes you get up and pace the living room, hoping that you don't wake anyone else up. The kind that no matter how you rationalize it in your head, it doesn't go away. So you busy yourself with something else. Perhaps you play a game online or clean the kitchen. Perhaps you write in your journal or pop in a movie. Maybe you read the scriptures and pray.

I'm having that right now. It's a fear that I thought had long ago passed but it comes up and bites me every once in a while. Every time it comes on it hurts a little more. Tonight it tightened my chest and drove me from my bed.

It's an irrational fear of being left. I know that nothing in the world would take him from me by his choice, but they don't always leave by their choice. I know this is stemming from Daddy's death. I know its silly and I honestly thought I was done with it. I no longer need to know where he is. If he is late home from work, thats fine. He is coming home and if he is drastically late, he will have an interesting story. It came on so suddenly tonight. Usually I have days of little thoughts before the fear comes on. But tonight it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Maybe its time to talk to someone.